Week 8: Thinking about a revision plan

I believe that the form and arrangement of my paper is sound.  The rhetorical strategy I have chosen to communicate my idea to my audience is sound in my opinion.  That being said, I feel my argument can be narrowed or refocused so that I can engage a more complex and thought provoking realm of discourse.  I have a clear argument and thesis statement, but am considering revising it to address a concept with greater depth.  I believe my evidence supports my main argument well, but also leads my paper towards other arguments which are separate but equally thought provoking.  My writing is respectful but not fair to the opposition of my argument, but I am arguing so whatever.  I believe that as my paper stands each paragraph possesses a specific purpose that is observable from a reader's perspective.  Each paragraph is structured along my prevailing rhetorical strategy.  To discuss videogames and pedagogy I have used the appearance vs. reality form for my argument.  My first paragraph introduces the subject matter and my thesis question, followed by a paragraph illuminating the appearance and context of my subject.  After the presentation of the appearance my next paragraph proposes the possible reality of my subject.  My paper is lacking in substantial transitions to lead the readers mind from each paragraph to the next.  I believe that I still need to narrow each paragraph to emphasize a particular argument about the subject which I am engaging.  I also believe that when I narrow my argument it will force me to recreate a new conclusion paragraph that will propose a new reaction to the material discussed within the paper.